So,

I recently got told that I could leave the army IF i could secure a firm offer of employment. This was at the end of january. So off I toddled, to monster.co.uk and fish4.co.uk and managed to secure two job offers, one with debtfreedirect as an admin clerk (a fair drive from my house and not very well paid) and another with a company in Preston as an allowances clerk (near my home and similar wages to what I'm on now).

Excellent news, I was over the moon. I had secured my dream job, it was well paid and it looked like the transition to civilian life was going to be smooth and hassle-free, until...

The RAO (Regimental Admin Officer, a Major and ex-wife of alleged war crimes colonel Mendonca) returned from iraq.

The RAO had been searching for a civilian job last year but had not had the bottle to leave the army and pursue it, her problem not mine, I doubt any credible civilian employer would employ her for any sizeable length of time due to her distinct eccentricities (almost delinquencies) and lack of ability. It has become clear to me that she work-flows all technical tasks to SNCOs and spends all her time hanging out the window of her office, filling the corridor with cigarette smoke and talking to her friends on the military phone.

It seemed that as she failed so miserably to pursue a civilian career she was going to begrudge me of mine as she called me into her office to tell me that i wasnt going to be allowed my discharge.

This seemed strange as the rear party SNCO in charge of the admin office, the rear party OC (A Captain) and the Regimental Career Management Officer all were in agreement that early release was the best course of action for me.

It also seemed strange as she was fully aware of the plans, and had been allowing me to go on job interviews and had even been asking me with apparent great interest what kind of jobs I was applying for and how the interviews were going.

Shortly after the interview (in which I had voiced my concerns about her proposed course of action) there was a slight altercation in the office. I lost control, and due to the fact that my newly planned civilian life was now ruined, and ruined by one person alone, I actually lost control of my actions and wrecked the office, knocking pay statements, computers, files and even poppies all over the place.

Needless to say this did not go unnoticed. On my return to work (Wednesday 28th Feb) I was informed that I would no longer be working in my job in the admin office and that I would be cleaning vehicles for the remainder of my time in the army, that is, March-July.

Which begs the question, if my retention in the army was so important for the admin office, is it not a contradiction to employ me outside my job, in a non-essential role, cleaning vehicles?

Oh yes, and I'm getting charged, apparently, for my outburst, and surprise surprise, the CO has taken a personal interest in the fact that I get charged, obviously the RAO has been on the phone to him (probably whilst hanging out of the window with a fag in her mouth) so any chance of a fair hearing on my part is small.

Ok so the Battle Camp wasnt too bad. We did a lot of MATTs (Military Annual Training TEsts - replacing ITDs (Individual Training Directives) but also got fcked around quite a bit.

Sharing a room with a load of reme is fun to, they feel like they've got something to prove, i.e. they know they'll never be elite soldiers, so they act like they would imagine infanteers to act. In reality, having come from an infantry battalion, they act nothing like that SO..... Some of the antics ive had to endure in the room have been (mainly the target of all aggression a KRH trooper attached to us) Sed individual hit with : Green belt across bare arse (Looked painful) Locker door across head, ironing board across head, flip flop on back!!!! Hoping to post videos up soon.

Hurt my ankle again (ninth time in my career at least) and was slightly annoyed that id hurt it at the END of the tab and not the beginning!! Could have saved myself some work. Although the dick of a section commander (who was also a lance jack like me) had given me the radio to carry so at least that gave him a problem. He really was an arse. An ex infanteer, now working in stores section and keen as they come. Get over yourself mate. The same amount of training can be derived from not getting messed around so why do it???

Got all sorts of training relevant to deploying to Iraq although it was all low level stuff. (Mine awareness, map reading, target indication yawn yawn yawn).

On the bright side its about 60 days till i can sign off so thats a bonus, although i am sat in work right now trying to catch up on the work i missed on the exercise. Wonder if the REME lads' intrays will be quite as full, oh no thats right, they dont have any!!!! Well none of them lower than about Staff Sergeant (SSgt) rank! I wonder if REME lance jacks (or in fact any other capbadge) have to write full sets of handover takeover notes for when they move jobs??? Thats a no there as well!!

Get paid soon so not all bad both my payrises fall on 1 April so next month will be alittle bit better.

Although am fast losing interest with the job and thats as a direct result of this complete shambles of a bunch of monkeys that run this battalion. I got sent back to catterick sunday night, only to return to edinburgh first thing monday morning, then return back to catterick tuesday afternoon(All for me to complete CPL's CRs). If that piss poor management doesnt smack of incompetence then i dont know what does. Also the fact that I have been able to miss half the battle camp shows that it could have been a week long affair and involved less fcking around for ALL the lads!! Not to mention the fact that it didnt have to be in edinburgh at all!

Actually managed to spend a whole week in the office which was fun. Snowed quite hard all week.

Tuesday we all managed to get told off for one persons poor preparation of CRs with the threat that anymore like that and we would be charged (yawn, how many times have i heard that). Getting told off so many times for things you havent done wrong quickly leads to complete apathy and the ability to ignore ANY time you get told off.

How can you charge clerks for getting stuff wrong. Everyone gets some stuff wrong, how can you expect a group of people that have the lowest gti (BAR test score in the army to continually produce pieces of correspondence with no errors??? Half of the agc cant even spell and are probably dyslexic, the other half are commonwealth and have a ropey at best grasp of the english language!!!

Skint already, and not helped by the fact that I want to buy a rally car tomorrow (with a view to selling it to make some money) need to spend £200 i havent got. Oh well, those financial management skills(!) will come in handy there.

Oh yeah speaking of money, id be two and a half grand better off if i had the platoon commander of one of the lads in my company! This lad got a ban for drink driving and lost his class 2 pay. When his ban was up (november) his boss decided to circumnavigate us and send a letter to Glasgow to reinstate his class 2 pay. Unfortunately Glasgow reinstated his pay as if he had never been banned, so thats THREE YEARS of back pay!!!! And WE get blamed for Fing peoples pay up?? bloody rupert.

Looking forward to next week. Two weeks of battle (?) camp in edinburgh. In this weather? whoever planned that was sharp. Why take us away for two weeks when the same training objectives can be achieved within the barracks is also completely beyond me but hey who am i to argue. So no post next weekend then.
My car tax runs out end of march too so how the hell am i going to tax it now as the dvla still havent sent me my v5 through yet (entirely my own fault however, shouldnt have left it so late to send off for my V5).

Im sure ill enjoy the next two weeks though. Actually I wont. Ill have to hang around with a group of lads i detest, share my room, not have any of my stuff, not be able to watch any telly i want to watch, not be able to go to sleep at the time i want, not be able to eat at the time i want . On the plus side ile probably save a bit of money and we dont get back until after pay day.

Well the exercise wasnt too bad, although, it was bloody freezing (minus 5). The OC was snoring like a cancerous horse all night although, didn't bother me too much.

Myself and the other two clerks (A and C) were sleeping in a crew shelter attached to the side of our CVR(T) Sultan along with the 2IC and the rad op, so it was quite a squeeze but not too bad. A only brought a small sleeping bag, so didnt get much sleep as the snow fell that night, but I was ok had my bouncing bomb (issued sleeping bag, about the only decent bit of issued kit) and kept me warm enough, just!

I got a branch in my eye which sent me blind in one eye for about three hours and the rad op fell off the top of the sultan putting the penthouse away to my distinct amusement. (he's always falling off things, i think he's just an attention seeker!!!)

We ended up only going out for one (monday)night and then back in but spending the next day getting the CP back up to scratch with all the correct noticeboards and publications, all under the watchful eye of some complete arse of a staff-sergeant. The tuesday night was a company "smoker" with poorly cooked burgers and out of date beer, mmmm.

I never had to do my presentation in the end as there wasn't enough of the detachment present so that'll be done this week. Also taking over a new job this week, instead of being a junior company clerk i'll be a senior company clerk, albeit of a smaller company but no substitution pay!!!! Rats. I'll angle to get local rank then.

Wednesday night was a leaving do so had a few and then went back to camp, not like one of the privates that I had to wake up at 0945 the next day after he'd missed the muster parade due to drunkeness! tut tut.

At home, for the weekend. Lovely little preparation exercise on monday for two nights (in this weather! whats going out in minus 5 got to do with preparing for iraq?!).

Preparing a presentation for thursday as well. (Why we need to do presentations is beyond me, we never have cause to do it as part of my job, so why do we need to do it at all)